Buns in the oven

So today I overheard a coworker talking to her child on the phone -- it was really sweet. She called her little girl 'peanut' in an uber makes-you-want-to-puke-because-it's-so-cute endearing voice. When she got off the phone the other women around her told her that the nickname was so cute (she had used this nickname for her little girl since she was pregnant), she also said she'll sometimes call her daughter 'monkey' - which made the other women giggle with child-nickname envy.

Now, I don't have a baby, nor am I currently pregnant (the world isn't ready for crazy Liv babies) but when my sister was pregnant with my niece, we didn't call her 'peanut'...or 'monkey'...no, we called that little bun-in-her-oven 'BB'. "What does BB stand for Liv?' You might ask. I'll tell you what it stands for. 'Baby Burrito'. That's what it stands for. My sister craved burritos for days upon days straight...so, naturally, 'baby burrito' was the logical name here. And yes, even after she craved burritos we still kept calling that beautiful fetus 'BB'. We wouldn't have dreamed of calling the baby 'baby casserole' or 'baby caviar' or even 'baby cheeseburger with pickles and onions'.

Now BB has turned into Gracie...a half-crazed, no-fear, jump off a piano into a vat of piranhas in pink dresses two-year-old who never does anything I tell her to unless I buy her Dora stick-on fingernails....and I love her.

Dentist

Dearest babushkas,

I went to the dentist yesterday.

I'm not ready to talk about it yet.

Zen-ing

So last night I did yoga. I love yoga. (then why don't you marry it? seriously guys, are we 4?). After I do yoga at night I am totally at peace. I'm the zen master......I make zen my biznitch.

I'm so chill that you could probably ask me whatever you wanted and I would say yes.

you: Liv, can I borrow $10,000?

me: Yea, sure, here's my bank account number.

you: Liv, can I loan out your room to a petting zoo and then you would have to sleep with a bunch of nipping/squawking penguins and poo-flinging monkeys?

me: Yes, I love animals

you: I think you should adopt a baby and name it buckethead.

me: Ok, that's a beautiful name.

I also love Rodney Yee. He's a yoga instructor who's uber-calm and totally awesome. But the video I did last night didn't have Rodney Yee in it. Which is sad. Because I like him.

Work it girl

So I drew a picture of how I picture myself when I'm rocking out. (naturally, this is a fairly accurate representation). Please follow the numbers and explanations.

Is that how you spell bustier? My spell check isn't catching it...so I guess that means I'm awesome.

(Does anybody else do this? Picture yourself rocking out while you're working out? Because if you don't, seriously try it...I burned at least 10 more calories because of it...I also almost ran off the treadmill a couple times...luckily my gym is overrun with elderly people...so no cute boys to make a fool of myself in front of...also no cute boys to help me up if I actually were to run off the treadmill........).

I'm getting really sick of my workout music. Any suggestions?

This or that

Approximately three days ago, my BFF Angie (take no offense other BFF's, there's room for all of you in my heart) asked me this deep question:

would you rather own a yard with miniture lawn ornaments (gnomes) or a yard with miniature animals roaming?**

**Yes, you do have to scoop the animals poop...but it's miniature.

How cute would this be to wake up to everyday.

Would you get creeped out by this?

I am still so crafty

Remember this? I took inspiration and modified it a smidge, and made this!

I also finished a scarf I had been working on for a bit. It's big and chunky and perfect! I wore it on errands yesterday and I was totally warm. (Hey, where's Liv?! Just kidding. I didn't wear it like this. Maybe. No. I really didn't. I did though, and I couldn't see driving. I had to have someone lead me around the whole time. Seriously, I hope you didn't believe me).

Single ladies

So a couple of my awesome friends made me this picture. Isn't perfection?

In honor of Beyonce, here is a video you HAVE to watch. Seriously. (I can't embed it, so you'll just have to go to the link). BEYONCE VIDEO

Sadly, Beyonce is no longer with me. I took her to the shelter a couple weeks ago. It was hard, but I think it was for the best. I hope she finds a good home. I told the lady there where I found her and how long she'd been with me, and then I told her that I had named her 'Beyonce'. The lady laughed and said they would keep that name.

SQUEAL!

So when I got back from work there was a package sitting on the counter (not that kind of package, pervert). And I was pretty sure I knew what it was, so I ran over to it (while going ‘eeeeeeeee’) and opened it and ‘gasp’ it was the family calendar that I had designed and then was going to get printed but it was too expensive so then I was going to have my mom print it at home but she couldn’t get the ink to work right (stupid home printer) so then she took it to Winnebago industries (the place that makes motorhomes but also prints people’s family calendars) and they said they would print it and then they did and then she said that she sent them out and one of my sisters said she got it but I was sad because I hadn’t gotten it but then I GOT IT! oh.em.gee.

Sorry. My roommates are asleep and I have to share this with someone. And I knew you guys would appreciate it. Right? I hope so.

This is the cover.

Here’s my page.

A closer look.

This isn’t my typical design style, but I just love it so much because it’s my family.

Man. Seriously. Cloud nine. That's where I am. I don't even know where it is. But I'm there.

Now I'm going to snuggle up in my bed and continue knitting this awesome chunky-uber-warm-grey scarf and watch Big Bang Theory. Man I love you guys.

I am so crafty

I am soooooo crafty! Crafty crafty crafty!

Today I went to Hobby Lobby and got some awesome paper and envelopes so that I can make the most kick ass valentine's day cards! (did you know valentine's day is my birthday? I think that's why I like it so much....)

This is my inspiration: totally cute right?

I finished this project a few weeks ago -- isn't the wreath fantastic? (the postcard was one my friend made in her printmaking class --- they go well together, no?)

and a close up:

If you want to make one, here is a link to the tutorial: http://www.domestifluff.com/2009/11/how-to-make-a-ruffly-felt-rosette-wreath/

Also, how darn-tootin cute do I look today? (I usually don't honk my own horn...but...toot toot!) I'm not feeling so hot (my throats has been clogged for a few days), so I ate soup and got all cute for work. (note: I didn't wear the heels to work....just some cute flats...but I prefer the heels). I feel a little better.

This little guy is helping to hold the right side of my cardigan up. I love him.

UPDATE: I decided to order two boxes of caramel delights, one box of thin mints and one box of peanut butter patties. Overall I'm very happy with my purchases.

cookie dilemma

I am going to order girl scout cookies. Oh man! (I think I had a spasm when someone told me there was a sheet we could order from in the office) -- (remember when you were little and there were those kids whose parents took their cookie orders to work and basically did the work for you, while other children had to go door to door and beg people to buy even half of a box? Yea -- I'm totally ok with that now).

So here's my dilemma. I'm going to get four boxes for $14. I figure that if I eat one per day, maybe freeze some, factor in my two roommates, how I'll feel about cookies after March 1st (when they finally arrive) and if I'm emotionally stressed at that time -- I should be able to make those four boxes last about 4.2 days.

Now the really hard part. What kind of cookies do I get. Seriously people. This is a dilemma. So I've worked it out into a math problem.

Basically it's between these three kinds of cookies (the others just didn't make the cut):

a. Thin Mints
b. Caramel Delights
c. Peanut Butter Patties

So if the sum of a and b is equal to two parts of c that combined equal 12 -- divide that by x amount of money minus 42 + a variable that I can't explain and take that whole darn thing times one million dollars, and you'll get my answer. Just in case you are a visual learner, I've written it up for you.

/ (a+b) = [(z+d=12)=c] \

| ________________ | x $ one million

\ (x-42) + SX4$**C!112 /

If you can figure this equation out, please let me know

So folks, let's look at what we've learned here.

1. I still have no idea what cookies to order

2. In the next few days I will be $14 less richer (is that a double negative?)

3. After consumption of whatever type of cookies I order, I am going to be hella bloated and uber satisfied

If anyone has any input, I welcome the advice.

Blaming the cat.

disclaimer: please don't read if you don't like flatulence

Ok. So last week, I was in the living room with my two roommates and Beyonce. We were doing 'AB RIPPER' from P90X...(we're going to be hella-buff)...and I let out a toot (...sorry...is it proper to say 'fart' [one of my sisters kindly refers to that as the f-word] or maybe 'flatulence'? I think I'll stick with toot).

And I claimed it...there was no way I couldn't...no big deal really. Flash forward to after P90X (when we're ripped), and I tooted again (this time it wasn't audible...so I didn't say anything). We started talking about Beyonce and how her poops smell really bad (because they totally do), and then one roommate holds her nose and says 'ugh! She just farted too!'.....................................................................................................................So I said 'I can't smell it yet (trying to make my most convincing 'gross you farted' face)'...then I said 'Ugh, now I do! Gross! That smells so bad!' (trying to keep that 'gross you farted' face). I didn't tell them it was me.

Beyonce, I'm sorry I blamed you for my toot.

To make up for my flatulence story, here's video I hope you enjoy. (please take special notice of the 2:10 mark

Litter box

Now, you all know that I love me some Beyonce (my cat, not the singer...although I do enjoy a good Beyonce tune that I can shake my booty to every now and then)...but she's got some problems.

1. I know that what comes out into the kitty litter isn't roses and rainbows...but this cat craps loads. Seriously. And they smell. We have to shut the bathroom door, turn the fan on and spray fabreeze...otherwise we'll start to smell it in the living room. And for some reason, she doesn't cover these incidents up with kitty litter. Cats are suppose to cover up what comes out with kitty litter. Right? Right? Am I wrong? I don't think so. Beyonce missed that lecture.

2. She barfed. Sorry to put that so bluntly. I was trying to think of a way that would be less vulgar....but that was the best opening, I think it conjures up the emotion that I'm trying to get at. It was just last night. With no warning...on the living room floor. I am now wearing my slippers all the time.

I do apologize for the grossness of this post...but sometimes the truth is disgusting.